Home.

I am in my favourite place in the entire world. Its nice and hot, and ever so beautiful.

Dreams do come true, because just a couple months ago I was crying how I will be stuck in Canada and now here I am.

I am going through a bit of a culture shock though. I am used to being here, but as a tourist. Now I am here as a local and its completely different. And not very safe… I went to a local bar for a big town party with a local guy I know and it was pretty crazy. First of all the extremely sexual dancing. I can’t move like those girls do! It is just interesting, I have no problem with the sexualness. Drugs are everywhere. Police don’t care. Everyone drinks, smokes, and drives. WITHOUT SEAT BELTS. I have a little panic attack everytime I go out. This is quite the adventure for me.

Well must run, need a sexy Caymanian to take me on his motorcycle for a ride.

-Island Meg

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Oh hey life!

Hello internet world. I am here, typing in some stuff for you to read. Every time I post something I am still amazed that people like it or choose to follow me. Maybe you just do it for some weird purpose I don’t know, or maybe you actually think what I say is interesting. 

I don’t follow too many blogs, although I have a pretty big collection on tumblr going on. Mostly hot guys and puppies… I think after I post this I will start to follow some blogs on here with some more… MEAT. I honestly hate reading, but I do love a good article. I need to be more aware of the world and open my eyes to some new ideas and situations. If you have any ideas on blogs you want to recommend hit me up!

Today started off a very beautiful day. The sun was shining, I didn’t have to wear my winter jacket and life was good. Now I am sitting here, post exam, with a glass of white wine while it sadly pours outside. What happened?

I am not worried about my exams at all. I could pass all my courses right now without needing to study, so I don’t have stress. I felt like I rocked the one I had today, which is why i was dancing on the street this morning with my sunglasses on! I think it is mostly the weather that caused this shift in mood. 

I cannot continue typing without some uplifting music, hold on.

THERE WE GO.

On the job market front I have only been getting rejections slowly coming in. But I did get a really cute message from one place, “One thing that really struck me as I read all of the applications was the level of enthusiasm, not only for this project, but for the marine environment as a whole.  Please stay enthused, our seas need you!” Cute right?

Hopefully I get some good news soon. I really don’t want to go back to living with my parents (although I am leaving my college apartment in a couple weeks…). I am a lot calmer about the situation than I was before, but it still makes me a bit bummed. You can’t blame a girl. I am stubbornly independent and long to just be on my own. No parents, no roommates, no boyfriend… Maybe a dog.

I really want a corgi.. They are so cute! To just emphasize the degree of my longing let me tell you what my daily day dreams are. My bachelorette apartment will have a blue and white colour scheme, blue walls and white furniture with sandy brown accents on curtains and rugs. This will make me feel happy like I am at the beach every day anytime I am home, a true home feeling. My puppy will be a tri-colour female Pembroke Welsh Corgi with mostly black on her face and back. I am undecided with a name as it is personality dependent, but I like Yoshi and Mishu (Polish for teddy bear). 

Sigh. Life work in my favour? All I want is a job so I have have my own life. Is that so much to ask? Maybe… We will see. There is still time, and like I said I am remaining calm about it.

Dating wise… Like I said… All I want is a dog in my life. I AIN’T GOT NO TIME FOR BOYS. Not even a man if one where to walk into my life. Maybe I am selfish, but I am too preoccupied with my shit right now to want to even think about anyone else’s shit. 

Plus, I love being single. However, I keep finding myself having sex with guys, which I thought were under the impression that that’s all it would be, who become attached and clingy. Why? Can’t you see I am a strong independent woman who is busy starting a career to make time for you? We had our fun and now its done. Please- get it. 

This has been particularly bad with one friend I recently… Yeah. We have been friends since we were 14 and he finally made it out of the friend zone (Congrats buddy!) into the “friends with benefits when I say so” zone. But he ENJOYS spending time with me, and he wants to HANG OUT MORE. It is like some weird backwards situation and I feel like I am those douche bag guys who fuck around with girls.

Well.. I kind of am. After one long term relationship after another the only person I want a relationship with is myself. I want to love me, I want to only take care of me, and I want to work on my future ALONE. Sure, a girl gets a little lonely in bed every once and awhile, that’s when these boys come in. I make it clear. At least I think I do… Maybe I am just a heart breaker. Even with my boyfriends I break their hearts… But after a year which probably stings them more.

I like change, and I like me. So in my experience it will be better for me to just focus on me. And my future corgi soulmate.

Maybe this is the wine talking. I am going to stop here and follow those blogs I said I would. Hope you enjoyed this, if you read it.

-Meg

Drunken family dinners.

The only way I could deal with my family is being drunk. The only way I would scream at my niece for being a huge brat, my sister for being an irresponsible bitch or my brother for being a  lazy asshole. 

Weird, since you would think that being drunk makes these feelings come out, but sober I am the pissed off version of myself. 

Everyone was having drinks, of course its a family dinner for Easter! Everyone loosen up! I ask my grandpa for a glass of wine and by the end of the dinner it is my DUTY to finish the bottle. It wasn’t my intention, but the more people talked to me about planning for my future and what I NEED to do with my life, it made me feel so much better pouring the next glass.

I was drunk.. Not tipsy. Drunk at this family dinner. Luckily wine is my happy juice and I could just enjoy myself without the hate I have deep in my soul. 

I think this could be a sign of me becoming an alcoholic.. I want to say its only at social events, but I have definitely been drunk at home alone watching a show or playing a game and just drink myself to sleep.

Secret is out. Oh boy. I just hope it doesn’t become a problem. I mean I am only doing it in my free time and not during the day or when work needs to be done. If I write a post about how I am day drunk at work, please give me a virtual intervention.

 

-Meg

Back home.

We have found my missing cat after almost 3 weeks of her gone!

Let me give you a recap. My sister was taking care of my cat even though I told my mom not to let that happen because she is extremely irresponsible. It was no surprise she lost my cat, but I was 90% sure it was a death sentence since she is 19 years old and its been so cold lately.

However, posting up posters with her picture finally paid off! She was living in some guy’s shed nearby where my sister lives. He feeds his own outdoor cats in the shed, but they haven’t been going in and he discovered my cat in there when he was tying up his large dog (She’s been around large dogs her whole life and knew having a big dog around would keep her protected from the real dangers).

As soon as she got home my dog sniffed her and she started purring, and then decided to sleep in the middle of his large bed (lawl). 

I am so happy she is home, it is an Easter miracle.

HOWEVER. I am still not forgiving my sister. Tomorrow night is going to be a very awkward family dinner… I went to her place to pick up my mom and she only came to talk to me because I was there, and she didn’t even say sorry! She said things like “I am sorry this sucks.. This is a crappy situation”. No, I want you to say you are sorry for being the irresponsible lying bitch you are.

But even with her sorry, I still wouldn’t forgive her.

I am happy my baby is back home. Life isn’t so bad afterall!

 

-Meg

Where my head is at.

Life is such a mysterious thing. No matter how much I understand science wise- living it is something completely different from what a book can tell you. 

I feel so bipolar when I post (and I feel I have already described this before in a previous post…). One day my world is falling apart, the next I love myself, I love life, and everything is going fine. 

It’s never going perfect though. I can never reach perfection I feel. I try. I do. I try really hard to be happy and work towards my goals. I am just not there yet.

Right now I am just keeping up with what I am doing until the time comes for those big changes in my life. I want to start my career so badly you have no idea. My worst nightmare is being stuck where I am right now. I can’t just have a job to survive, I need a job that I will enjoy or else I will hate myself too much to risk it.

I am waiting patiently for something to happen. Something good. No more of these depressing surprises life keeps throwing my way. I won’t allow anymore, it just can’t happen. 

Right now I love myself. But I am nervous. I am scared of what I might do to myself the second something goes wrong. Now please don’t read that thinking I am suicidal or anything, I am just a self abuser… Right now its on the edge of me becoming an alcoholic.

Too young and too beautiful to live with the stress I have. If anyone else were to describe the same life as mine I would say they have nothing to fucking stress about. Unfortunately, its hard to not be a hypocrite when you live with minor mental health issues.

Don’t worry about me. Just keep reading and remember everyone in the world has shit to deal with.

Life and my poor heart.

I don’t think I can handle much more life. I happen to be in an extremely emotional state… With my animals, my babies, dying and my family being the way they are I didn’t think things could make me feel worse.

I have been hearing back from employers… Unfortunately it has only been bad news. Maybe I am overreacting, but I am getting into this depressed mode. I am afraid I am going to have to stay home and work on a farm. Living a depressing life of lost dreams.

This didn’t actually bother me until after I had a great night out with my friends. A girlfriend of mine from home came to spend the night and although I was scared my university friends may be too much to handle we all had a great time. In the morning I even applied for two more jobs I found feeling good about myself. I woke up my friend and decided to take her out to this cute little breakfast I love down the street.

We go. We sit. We order. Then my friend notices my ex boyfriend sitting a couple seats behind us. I looked over and I thought I had a panic attack. He was there on a breakfast date  with a girl I’ve never seen before. I live down the street.. He lives across town and never wakes up early yet he’s here having breakfast with a girl… I assume they must have spent the night together because of this and I just couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t eat and I had to leave.

I know I shouldn’t care… I’ve rebounded… But he doesn’t know and didn’t witness it! And it wasn’t only that… We used to go to this place together all the time. It was OUR place. We were even supposed to have a date this week… I had to raincheck because I was sick… But we had been talking regularly… I told him all the shitty things that have been happening lately. I just couldn’t handle it.

I looked over at him as we were leaving and he glanced at me and literally hid his face in his hands and wouldn’t look at me again.

Oh you’re embarrassed? I have never been in a more awkward situation in my life. I don’t know how to deal this this.

We had some final items to exchange. I just want him to drop off my shit so I can just move on with my life. I don’t have the time or energy for this drama, and I wish I wasn’t feeling this way. I wish I didn’t care, but I do.

I didn’t break up with him because I didn’t love him. It still hurts.

-Meg